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Fetish has taken a beating in the
mainstream culture due to the lack
of available knowledge and its
undeserving reputation.
Interestingly enough, I like to
refer to it as 'rubber-necking'
as there is much curiosity along with
fear. But there is a reason why men
seek out the service of a Dominatrix.
And a majority of these men are
either married or engaged in
committed loving relationships.
I have been a exploring and
researching Fetish for a decade
now. I have explored the
fantasies, needs and desires of
mainstream American and
European men. I know more
about them as individuals than
their wives, friends and even
therapists. What I practice
and preach is an important
element that revolves around
human sexuality. Any desire
that is suppressed is unhealthy
and needs to be dealt with.
And the individual needs to be
comfortable expressing these
needs. And that is where
my explanation begins.
First we need to abandon the
term S&M otherwise known
as sadism and masochism.
When a loved one steps
into the role as
the dominant, it is not
insinuated that the 'submissive'
is going to be beaten to
a bloody pulp. Fetish revolves
around the exchange of power.
One person gives up the power
as the other achieves it.
Once this role is defined,
then the fantasies revolve
around each individual need.
We must also recognize that
being 'submissive' is a
choice and a role that one
decides to step into.
The first revolves around the
concept of giving up control.
These particular "players" are
in high- powered positions and
the release of control is a
vacation for them, a safe haven
and place of peace. I might
consider alternatives styles
of restriction for a person of
this nature such as bondage,
sensory deprivation, and
other similar forms that
physically keep them
surrendered in my presence.
The second type of "explorer"
is resurrecting feelings of
sexuality from the past.
There is a distinct relationship
to their first sexual experiences
and erection tied to certain
stimuli and memories.
Thus I might speak to a
"player" who wears panty-hose
because he recalls having a crush
on his babysitter who made
him wear them as a joke. Or
another who remembers receiving
an over the knee spanking
from his mother or a
sexy teacher that evoked an erection.
The final most common cause for
role-play simply involves the body
and our genetic make-up.
People’s bodies are wired as
differently as their minds. Pain
is pleasure to one but less
so to another. A simple spanking
can produce an orgasm. Nipple
clamps can cause an erection.
And never underestimate that
male g-spot. Do most women
even know it exists? My guess is
that the ratio of dildos sold
is evenly spread between
men and women.
My goal is to write a series of books
that inform women of their men's
desires and vice versa. By teaching
technique and coaching on the
psychology of power exchange
, the objective is to intensify their
existing relationships. Part of loving
someone is in acceptance. Sharing
these fantasies with your partner
will likely lessen the volume of
my business yet bring more
intimacy and less monotony
into your own.
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